10 Reasons to leave your groom at the altar:
love, your wedding photographer

January 22, 2026

If you have a particular taste in jewelry, specifically the color of metal you have curated your entire jewelry collection to, or possibly the style of ring you've dreamed of (art deco, vintage, modern, solitaire), and looks drastically different than anything you'd ever want for yourself (dare I say you find it ugly) - RUNNN!!

This one is a no-brainer. From my own personal experience with my failed marriage, this is a red flag I will shout from the top of the hills to anyone uncertain about the man they are marrying. As a yellow gold girlie myself, imagine my shock when the extensively discussed vintage yellow gold ring I had verbally expressed wanting turned out to be white  gold, quite clunky, too large, and nothing like the look on my Pinterest board. I don't mean to seem shallow while talking about this, so hear me out: yes, the gesture of a proposal and an expensive ring are up to those proposing. The ring, a circle, a symbol of eternity, has truly taken on another form of its own within this capitalistic diamond-loving monopoly, and the total expense of most engagement rings can be outrageous. I would have taken the cheapest yellow gold ring; it didn't even need any precious stones; it could have been a plated band. There is nothing wrong with the variety of jewelry offered. The real point of contention here is that with some hindsight, I wish I had realized the motivations behind this proposal were almost solely selfish. He had chosen something that he liked rather than what he knew I would appreciate. The lack of consideration, the lack of listening, it all really truly showed down the line.

2. You said "yes"; but because you felt pressured to.

We see these viral videos all the time, everywhere, plastered all over social media. The crowd doesn't know the couple, nor do I. However, the way one 'is proposed to', in my mind, should be thoughtful, considerate, and not at all coercive. For instance, are you shy and introverted? Do you hate large crowds? Are you feeling pressured from both sides of your family to make a commitment that doesn't quite feel right? Is the proposal half-assed in a way that doesn't feel intimate or right to you? Let's say you struggle with confrontation. A respectful, thoughtful, and considerate partner would absolutely know this about you. So if the intimate and quiet proposal you always dreamed of occurs as he drags you on a stage or in front of a crowd - Yikes! Societal pressure from bystanders may coerce you to say "yes" due to a range of emotions, including embarrassment and shame. The hooting, hollering, and staring may actually intimidate you. If saying yes felt pressured, the notion and gesture of the proposal, the true meaning behind it, have long been lost.

3. They show complete disinterest and lack of initiative in planning the wedding.

This one truly is a give-or-take, as there are typically clear work divides when I talk with couples planning weddings, and as a vendor, it becomes quite evident which of the couple is, in fact, planning the whole wedding. IF you're the type of person who loves to plan, organize, and have the dream wedding all pictured and ready to go with all the reins, all hail to you! However, I'm specifically mentioning this as wedding planning can be meticulous, tiring, and stressful. Trust me, I do my own part as a vendor the best I can, but I do this for a living, and those of you planning right now are probably going in blind, doing it yourself. Wedding planning incorporates so much stress with budgeting, family dynamics, logistics, travel, you name it, and most of the time, those who have never planned one truly have no idea all that goes into it. As a photographer, I highly recommend inquiring with a wedding planner early in the process, as this can prevent last-minute, forgetful mistakes that cause stress and incur additional, pricey expenses. I'll be writing another blog about "planning your wedding and all it entails"; however, for the sake of this article, know that the wedding is for the two of you. I genuinely believe the workload should be well delegated and not left on one individual's shoulders.

Don't ask me where the classic movie bachelor trip originated, because I straight up do not know. What do you mean it's your last night to go out into town and act like a single and be "free" when you've already been committed to the partner you're about to marry for months, if not years? I do understand the hype of modern-day trips where the bride and groom parties take the guests of honor out for fun, self-care-oriented activities that foster friendship. What I'm talking about is the lack of respect when you've set clear boundaries, and they're betrayed, manipulated, or hidden. For instance, if you and your partner agree to tame, stripper-free trips, that should be the way. Strip clubs can be a fun outing and great time, don't get me wrong, but to celebrate your union, if you've vocalized the importance of your boundaries, it should require the respect from both parties to amend it.

5. The lack of appreciation of your beauty during the first look.

Aw man, I truly hate the fact that this is a thing and exists, and the fact that I had witnessed this once in person (not for a client of mine), and the fact that I'm writing this now, but it happens. The amount of effort put into makeup, hair, dress, jewelry, tux, whatever investments and curated style you have created for your look on such a big day deserves appreciation, especially from the one you're about to marry. It's not about whether they like your style, but rather the appreciation of the effort to curate the whole look for the moment they first see you.

Traditionally, the first time each couple sees one another for the first time in wedding attire is an extremely emotional, raw, and intimate moment that I let unfold naturally - uninterrupted. I've started adding more to my first-look hype speech for my couples after one unfortunate first-look experience I witnessed. So if you're the individual turning to react/appreciate your partner for the first time, I beg you, please, please, please say something. Even if you don't particularly like the dress, hair, or makeup, any positive reaction is better than none. So let me spell it out for you. A gasp, speechlessness, shocked expression, followed by a compliment of "wow" and then "you're so beautiful" or even "I can't believe I get to marry you", will go farther than no reaction at all.

6. They can't stand taking photos with you, not even for the 15-minute portrait session.

As a wedding photographer, the budget for a decently experienced creative to capture your precious day varies. However, one thing is obvious: how expensive it can be. Photography/Videography coverage will be the easiest way to re-picture and remember this beautiful occasion for years to come, to show your children, and then your grandchildren. Your wedding is not a big photoshoot. However, there will be a necessary time to capture some more formal portraits of you, your loved ones, and you + your partner. Unfortunately, this is most likely when I see the most tension in couples, and it can be over small things. For instance, you may be tired, hungry, overwhelmed, or just ready to party. However, if these photos are important to your partner and a necessary reason for spending thousands on your creative wedding vendors, then you should put on a smile, be a good sport, and try not to dampen the mood. There are many times during quick sessions when I notice that one of the individuals in the couple dynamic appears withdrawn or distracted, or they are bickering about having their photo taken. As someone who values the memories photographs capture, it would hurt me quite a lot if my partner were reluctant to get any with me, especially after the effort put into looking beautiful and the money invested in it. Lacking a desire to capture the memory of what is a ceremonial day may not be the biggest reason to leave someone at the altar. Still, it may be a warning sign: appreciate smiling for a few photos to look back on for decades, for something outside yourself, and, more importantly, for your partner.

7. They care more about not spilling their beer than holding your train.

Alright, I may be judgmental for this one, but hear me out, bridal gowns can be heavy, bulky, and not easy to move in. They are also expensive, white, get caught on everything, track bugs & dirt, and are going to get dirty, undoubtedly. However, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth when one individual is more concerned about alcohol or partying than the fact that they have left their poor bride stranded. Bridesmaids, maid of honors, mothers, vendors, we are all here to help with the navigation of your dress. I think one of the most endearing traits I've seen in the couples I have serviced is the groom who helps the bride navigate through situations by holding her train. Not only that, but this can help immensely with balance and fatigue if the gown-wearer is also wearing heels. But one thing is for sure: the thousand-dollar dress you bought is going to get some stains on it at some point during your wedding day. Please don't let this stop you from dancing and having fun, since you're wearing this for the wedding, not to keep it stark clean.

8. The vows/speeches are shallow & frankly inappropriate.

I absolutely hate second-hand embarrassment, and let me tell you, "cringe humor" makes me crawl out of my skin. We've all seen a viral video or two of some really, really bad handwritten vows, and this is not for those who add quirky, authentic vows either. This one is for those who are overtly inappropriate in a sexual manner or humiliation & embarrassment in front of all your loved ones. Any vow that puts you down, including intimate, personal topics that one should not share in front of your parents or grandparents, or, for lack of words, suck, will have me running back down the aisle into the getaway car. I'll drive, and you can hop in. It's one thing to add a joke or two into personal vows, but when all of them entail the bare minimum acts of respect, they honestly sound like an ass-hole. I hate to elaborate on this any further, as it is entirely determined by the type of humor each couple shares and the relationships of those witnessing.
On the other hand, speeches that entail too much about the couple's "hardships" or "on-off statuses" can be pretty challenging to listen to as a bystander as well. I don't know if you'll know what I'm talking about, but if you've seen the type of couples that flaunt essays and paragraphs on social media about loving each other through all the cheating, lies, & betrayal, it kinda feels like that but worse - in real time - for lots to hear. I feel like this is a warning sign as a bystander: the couple only celebrates their strengths from the perspective of surviving hardship, due to the toxic nature of the overall relationship, rather than true trust-building hardships that would truly bring two people together. It may not be as clear to the couple, but I promise you it is clear to quite a few of us in the crowd. Are you trauma-bonded, or are you in love?

9. They neglect you at the sweetheart table to "hang" with their buddies.

A nice mix of time spent with and without your spouse is excellent within the wedding dynamic. Go tear up the dance floor for a moment or two, but make sure to come back and check in with the love of your life. No one likes to be uninvited, especially at their own party, when the two of you are the VIPs. However, if your partner is not showing consideration or attention to celebrate the two of you together, and is more interested in the buddies they hang out with every weekend, I can only imagine it could feel heart-crushing. Like the previous disclaimer, some things are not necessarily related to your experience or me in the words I speak. Your loved ones are probably traveling from all over, and some of your guests may be people you haven't seen for ages! Celebrate together, and don't leave your life partner on the sidelines.

10. The beloved cake smash tradition.

Another controversial, widely discussed topic, so I have to touch upon this one. I love some fun and play! So if this tradition is one you've always wanted and imagined on your wedding day, so be it! However, the controversy surrounding this topic has taken social media and opinions by storm because of the apparent disrespect shown in situations where the bride, specifically, will be quite humiliated. As mentioned before, weddings are expensive. Hair and makeup quotes go all over the board, but we know how costly these vendors can be as well. Speaking from my own life, getting my makeup and hair done for an event is a luxury I will only have a handful of times. Therefore, if your partner does NOT want their hair and makeup ruined, absolutely do NOT ruin it. The clear set of themes of respect and boundaries truly differentiates a good from a bad match.